I and my home (like so many others I've heard) got smashed with respiratory illnesses. We got flus, then chest infections, then bronchitis, then worms (eeeeewwwwww I know!!!).
We each had one or more of these things over the last month and it knocked me on my arse. In this exhausted and 'weak' state, I found myself falling back into doubt.
Doubt about all the decisions I've made over the last year, questioning what my path is, whether I am pursuing and placing my energy into the right things.
This happens when your health is compromised because your body, as a way to protect itself falls back into its automated functioning - the paradigms and habits that we created over the last 20, 30 and 40 years. It tries to 'help' you by removing the need to exert any further energy in staying conscious and being present with the you that you have been working to unveil and bring forward. The you, that is still finding her feet and her place within your subconscious. There is less energy and effort needed to go back to old ways, and while this is NOT helpful your body is trying to help you conserve energy, rest and recover.
So in true feminine embodiment style I just let myself feel it all. The sadness, the pain, the regret, the disappointment, the fear, the failure, the loneliness, the exhaustion..... ALL OF IT. I noticed it, acknowledge it, gave myself grace and compassion, allowed myself to rest. Then when I had a little energy to bring my consciousness and passions back to the table, I was able to re-evaluate and consider it all.
From my life lens. Not comparing where I am with others. Not considering or wondering why I'm not 'there' yet. Recognising I have a young family. A mortgage. A husband and.... a need to be fulfilled.
So, I am pausing and pivoting...
I am putting all courses on hold, while I focus on my young family and studying a Masters in Counselling. I want to reach more women, have more influence and impact. I want serve at the highest and most expansive way possible. So.... I am going back to school to see where that takes me.
I am still going to be coaching 1:1 for individual sessions and my 12 week program. But they will be capped.
This offer will now be online and from a home office in Murrumba Downs. As I say goodbye to Soul Spectrum at North Lakes - for now....
So... if you've been thinking about doing some coaching now is the time. You don't want to miss out, with the limited spots available.
Pausing and pivoting..... holds some relief and excitement. So I know that is the right choice for now.
This morning I got up at 4:15am to meet with my own coach who is on the other side of the world. To ensure that I had time and space for me, to be present and show up for myself. Last week, did not go so well. We usually meet an hour later and on that day but because I didn’t hold my boundaries and instead became the Martyr to ‘doing it all’ (a topic for another blog post) I was left to tend to the kids as they wake. I had hopes that the kids would sleep in and give me the time I needed for this call. But, of course they did not and I did not. So, this week we pushed the call forward an hour and while getting up that early felt hard at the time, the energy and power that I received over that hour was well worth it.
Anyway, the lesson I want to share is: when you do take the time to show up for yourself, you can have some profound realisations. And that my friends…. Is where the growth and magic comes from. I recognised today that I have been ‘doing' my business from a place of proving… rather than being in a place of serving. I have been trying so hard to prove that the choices I’ve made have been worth it, that I haven’t been able to really stop and actually do the thing that brought me to this work and the light that fills me – SERVE.
I have had moments and glimpses, when IN the serving that I am in flow and fulfilled by the energy, the vulnerability and that power that is my clients. I love serving them, holding space for them and guiding them to see their own worth and power. But when I am out of that sacred space, I so quickly go back to ‘doing’ ‘hustling’ ‘proving’. Which actually translates to resisting!!
Despite knowing in my heart of hearts that THIS is the work that I am meant to be ‘doing’, sharing and serving the community with. I too flick back to old paradigms of not being enough. Even though I've felt a lot of growth and done a significant amount of inner work, I too come back to safety in the known. I have allowed myself, up until now, to listen to the worries and concerns of others fears. Fears of scarcity, growth and the unknown. So much so, that I have been resisting all the universal laws and processes that I know to be true and to work. Which, in turn closes me off to the abundance of women ready to receive me and my work.
I see now that I have been too busy trying to prove to my family, to others and deep down to the old version of myself that the choices I’ve made to step away from the familiar and the ‘safe’ was worth it…
But, thankfully I have the support of my coach, my clients, spirit and my own authentic self to be able to see it, acknowledge it and thank it for trying to keep me safe. But I am no longer bound by the constrains of proving myself to anyone else. From here on out and I am here…. Just to serve!!