So, I have been very aware that I haven't posted on my Facebook or blog for a while, and have on many occasions tried to sit down and write. But, to be honest I haven't known what to write about. Creativity and flow is not something that comes freely when your thoughts, emotions and feelings are in any of the differing states of chaos. It wasn't even at this block, that I realised I hadn't done or used any of my feminine embodiments practices and tools, meditations or journalling for some time.
It wasn't until a persistent cough/cold hit me ALONG with a mouth full of ulcers AND THEN a painful and ugly coldsore emerged from my run down and overloaded body, that I knew haven't taken any time out for me. Time to really connect with and feel my own feelings, thoughts, emotions and felt senses. All the things I have learnt, embodied and taught to others over the past 12 months. I have resorted to old habits of ploughing through, suppressing and ignoring what was whispering, tapping, knocking and then kicking down at my door.
I have been in quite an overwhelmed, ambivalent and disconnected state the last couple months. I have had different work and career opportunities come up and some disappear; my passions and dreams challenged - by really, my own insecurities and ego; I have had some health issues identified with what feels like, big decisions nagging at me to make; and simply feeling like I'm not doing much of anything right at the moment. Your 'things' might be different, but whatever your flavour of shit is, I am sure you can relate.
I have felt so cool and calm on the outside, but a whirlwind of all the feels on the inside. So, in this internal intense state of overwhelm where do we even start??
Slowing down OR stopping.
As women with work, kids, business, commitments and/or just so many 'things'... how do we take time? Where and when you can.... JUST DO IT!!! We so often and too often put our needs aside and put others first. So, whether you need to ask your loved ones for help in taking some time out or simply putting a movie on for the kids and going to the shower or bath. Just take 10 mins, more if you can, and just be and feel!!! This is the first problem, we just don't stop to feel and process. THIS is where all the frozen tension starts and accumulates. Let whatever emotions and sensations come up or out, usually in my case tears (no matter what I feel)... but in your case, maybe a roar of anger, frustration, sense of disappointment, sadness, anxiety, worry...... god the list goes on. All these are just labels, so I invite you to acknowledge this label and then DIG DEEPER - WHAT exactly are you feeling.
For example, I get the lump in my throat, the constriction in my chest, a churning in my belly. Pick one.... the loudest one. And through deep breaths, tune into this lump in the throat and ask 'what am I holding on to?' or 'whats holding me back?' or 'what do I need to know?'.... there are so many different questions you can ask. So if another questions fits better here for you, ask it. Then just see what comes - thoughts, gut feelings (also known as intuition), visualisations, voices. I know this all sounds woo woo but it is so bloody powerful and something WILL come up, whether you let it or whether you judge and fight it, is completely up to you. Once you feel like you have fully felt through it.... JOURNAL. There are no rules with journalling. You are not writing for anyone else, you don't have to be careful with your spelling or punctuation, it doesn't even need to make sense. You just free write and let it out. Sometimes things come out that you haven't let yourself think or feel and it could open you up to something new. Then.... be kind to yourself. Share your experience with a trusted friend; your partner or if you don't have anyone you can or want to share it with, then you are more than welcome to message me.
HERE ARE THE STEPS AGAIN:
1. TAKE TIME - out for just you! Preferably someone that you can fully relax.
2. BREATH AND FEEL - I find it hard to feel it all until someone asks me 'are you ok?' so if you're like me. Verbally ask yourself 'are you ok?'
3. LET EVERYTHING COME UP - don't fight any of your reactions (unless its to harm someone - don't do that!!)
4. LABEL THEN DIG DEEPER - What body sensations are coming up with that emotion, scan over your whole body and acknowledge the areas of complaint.
5. PICK ONE - pick a sensation that is the loudest or most obvious.
6. TUNE IN - through deep breaths ask 'what am I holding on to?' or 'whats holding me back?' or 'what do I need to know?'....
7. LISTEN - let whatever comes up first be heard - however it shows up.
8. JOURNAL - write it all down. Free right it out, until you have nothing left to give.
9. CHECK BACK IN - how do you feel about that thing NOW? IF its frozen tension thats been there a while, you may need to do this a number of times or you may need to be guided, but doing this on a regular basis WILL allow you to feel flow, drop overwhelm and see clearly enough to move forward again.
If you can't or won't do any of this then the key is to:
BREATHE consciously and purposefully
Bring MOVEMENT in to your day, not just exercise but free, move like nouns watching movements.
And SOUND it out. Whether its going down to the back of the park and screaming, signing, chanting or groaning.
So, I will be taking some time for me tonight..... to do this and practice what I preach.
How awesome is it to know that even the embodied don't always have it right.
I do truly believe that our body talks to us and if we don't listen it sends us a very loud sign that will make you stop and listen. I just hope that you are one of few, that now knows how to listen, how to act and how to move through.... well, life as a feminine embodied woman.
I see you and feel you beautiful woman, don't let overwhelm be a reason for not shining your light.