My journey with consciously choosing love, presence and joy

So, I know that you haven’t heard from me in a long time. I apologise... but I have been in a place of growth, deep learning and creativity. I’ve talked about seasons in our lives before and I was certainly in my winter - my period of hibernation and regeneration.

During this time I found myself falling off the spiritual bandwagon, fighting all that I had absorbed and learnt over the last couple years of embodiment, intuition and spirituality.

I got caught up again in the hampster wheel of life and the negativity and frustrations that can come along with it. I felt the change. I felt agitated. I felt frustrated. I felt self pity. I felt alone. I felt unsupported. I felt ALL the feels.

Then.... the universe kept giving me a nudge. A little nudge back into my truth, my desire for peace and support. I found myself drawn back to the universe (or god, higher power, woo woo - whatever you call it) and I am so glad that I listened.

I am currently 34 weeks pregnant, staring down the barrel of some big life changes, potentially a physical move, increase in family and responsibilities for all of us, decisions and options that are endless depending on what scenario is going to be presented to us - all of which we can not make until it greets us AND all of this will happen in the next 4-6 weeks. A time when most would expect to lose their shit and be a nervous wreck.

Yet.... I am at peace. I have this inner calm and knowing that things will turn out the way they are meant to and that no matter how much I try and control and organise and stress about it... it won’t change the outcome.

What DOES change though, is my connection and emotion to it. I could be stressed; I could be frustrated; I could be questioning ‘why why why’; I could be letting it consume me and take away from the last few weeks of pregnancy (my last ever pregnancy); my last few weeks of it being just me, my daughter and husband; take away from this time, that we will never get back; all because I’m not present and too busy worrying about what could, might and will happen.

​But instead, I am trusting that the universe knows what I’d like, but... more importantly that it will also serve me what I need. Even if that something is a challenging lesson, that I get to take with me and teach on to others. That my love, presence and joy in this moment is more important than anything else.

I choose calm. I choose to trust. I choose presence. I choose love. I choose joy. I choose to receive it all from the universe and from within.

Now, that I am calm and at peace, I am able to really feel and connect to my growing bub. I am loving and connecting with my daughter on a whole other level. I am appreciating and loving my changing body and I am stopping to really feel my feet in the sand and my heart in the ocean when I get to walk along the beach.

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​What do you choose?

Do you choose chaos; frustration; anger; distant from your truth and your family and your life? If you are not in a place of peace and calm and giving up that control, and constantly thinking about, feeling into and dwelling on the negatives, then.... I hate to tell you, you HAVE chosen to be and receive all those things.

Disclaimer: I and many other spiritual beings don’t live in this state 24/7, but we do the practices (meditation, dancing, journaling, learning, openly sharing...) to keep us on track. When I was in this disconnected state, over the last 4 months, I was constantly sick, I was miserable and I was emotionally out of control. It was one thing after another after another. I was waiting for the next blow and.... like clock work it would come (the universe brings to you what you focus on - the law of attraction). I did NOT like it one bit.

I’m so grateful I found myself back to my truth, back to a state of connection and peace. Because I do not want to look back on this time and regret losing the 'good', the 'bad' and the 'challenging' of this pregnancy; the connection it has brought to my family and the love and presence that it has injected to our lives.

So, find someone who YOU can spiritually bounce off, to bring you back from these human down spirals of life. 

The more we raise each other up into consciousness and presence, the better we, our family and friends and the world as collective will be. You can choose to be raised or to be dragged down.

WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?

please feel free to share (without  judgement) what thoughts, feelings or emotions came up for you when reading this article. 
~ Renee x

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